DEAR ABBY: I am in an unhappy relationship. We have two kids together, but I have reached my limit with him.
When I try to express myself or tell him he hurt my feelings, he shoves me and brings me down.
I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for a while now, and I want my life back. He feels my place is at home, waiting on him hand and foot. I don’t want this life anymore.
I don’t want him putting his hands on me or the kids. He has a bad past that involves the police and jail. How do I get my life back and keep my kids safe, too?
— CRYING OUT FOR HELP
DEAR CRYING OUT: Your abuser doesn’t care about your feelings. All he cares about is having a live-in maid and bed partner. Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) by calling 1-800-799-7233 and start forming a safe escape plan for you and your children.
If he puts his hands on before you are able to leave, call 911 and let the authorities deal with him.
If you have family nearby, and I pray you do, take the children and stay with them until you can find employment and start earning enough to get back on your feet. Do this not only for yourself, but also for your little ones.
The living arrangement you have is not healthy for any of you, and if you don’t get out of there ASAP, they will grow up thinking this is normal.
DEAR ABBY: I am a healthy older woman living alone in a building for seniors. I’ve known some of my neighbors most of my life. I consider us like a family.
My problem is, my 49-year-old daughter, “Jasmine,” has been a pill addict for the last 20 years.
I’ve tried repeatedly to help her. I’ve begged to get her to go to counseling, but she won’t. Jasmine is also dealing with some mental problems.
She’s in a relationship, but barely. Her three children have all but cut her off and she can’t understand why.
Jasmine doesn’t get that it is her own doing. I love my daughter dearly, but I realize I can’t help her in any way now. She has burned all her bridges.
I don’t see her being around much longer — it’s that bad. I am having panic attacks regularly.
How do I let myself off the hook? I’m her mother, and I can’t do anything about it.
— GIVING UP IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR GIVING UP: Please accept my sympathy for Jasmine’s poor prognosis. When we can’t do anything more to save a loved one from themself, we have no choice but to accept what eventually happens.
It’s time to talk about your own mental health with someone qualified to help you through what’s coming. Your doctor may be able to help with your panic attacks. Your religious adviser may be able to support you emotionally. A licensed psychotherapist would be ideal, as well as your close friends or a grief support group. Please don’t wait to reach out.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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